In case you're wondering how come one of our London League captains is losing so many games recently. This is my excuse:
- My pieces are not the equal of my opponents. My opponent and I are managers of two teams but, on a man for man basis, every piece on my side is a weakling compared to his.
- My pieces get in the way of each other and refuse to work together. It's as though they are all enemies; of each other, and me. Some have clearly gone rogue.
- My opponent's moves seem to happen more frequently than mine. On his turn, he seems to be making more moves than me. My own pieces seem content to stay at home today.
- I know I'm losing, even in positions which to anyone else would be OK. I've seen them in books and know, objectively, they're fine; but at the back of my mind, I know I'm losing, if not already flat lost.
- I struggle for ages to find any move that doesn't lose immediately, and yet my position continues to degrade with every clock tick. On the other side of the board, I see so many resources! It's inconceivable that, bunny though he is, he won't find the easy moves that'll beat me.
- I know that I'm going to lose this evening, even before the clocks have started and no matter how weak my opponent. He simply has to turn up and push some wood. If necessary, I'll help him beat me; and if he's a real patzer, I'll probably selfmate.
Captain Patzer